3 Rs of Anxiety Management

We would all like to be able to respond to anxiety with intention and skill, rather than reacting mindlessly. The 3 Rs of anxiety management are here to help: Recognize, Reflect, and Respond. Meaningful and sustainable change of anything requires a foundation of knowledge and awareness so we need to learn to Recognize what anxiety looks like in us and our loved ones. Once we have identified anxiety, we Reflect and shift our mindset so we can let it do its job. Last, we Respond by making a plan and then moving into action to address both the source of anxiety and the symptoms of anxiety.

Recognize

To really understand anxiety, we need to first look at fear. Fear is a reaction to an immediate threat. When our senses perceive a threatening situation, the amygdala engages the sympathetic nervous system, which then cues the endocrine system to release stress hormones. Our heart rate increases, we breathe faster, our senses become heightened, and our vision narrows. Blood flows away from our heart and digestive system and into our limbs, allowing us to react to the danger at hand. The cerebral cortex, the part of the brain responsible for reasoning and judgment, shuts down. We are primed to either fight, flee, or freeze.

Anxiety is much like fear. It activates our nervous system in a similar way but at a lower and more constant level. One of the key differences is that while fear is a reaction to an immediate threat, anxiety is a reaction to our thoughts about what might happen, rather than what is actually happening. Our bodies and minds shift into fight, flight, or freeze mode in reaction to only our thoughts.

Fear energizes us to deal with a threatening situation quickly and without thought, because thought is slow and costly. However, when the threat is our thoughts, reacting quickly and automatically is not in our best interest. Reactive anxiety often leads us to make choices that are not aligned with our values and goals and to live lives that are less vibrant and more restricted.

Becoming more familiar with how you experience anxiety, so you can recognize when it shows up, is an essential first step to managing it. Anxiety impacts our bodies, our minds, and our actions. Here is what food allergy anxiety might look like in each of these areas:

Body

• Racing/pounding heart
• Fast breathing, difficulty taking a deep breath
• Tight chest
• Clenched jaw
• Digestive issues
• Sweaty palms
• Shaking/trembling
• Headache
• Fatigue

Mind

• Distracted and inattentive
• Difficulty concentrating
• Easily irritated
• Intrusive thoughts about allergen exposure and reactions
• Contamination thoughts, not only around food but also shared surfaces
• Believing that you can’t trust anyone
• What iffing
• Worry over being excluded or rejected
• Feeling sad or lonely
• Sense of impending danger

Actions

• Hypervigilance about reading food labels, checking ingredients, and communicating dietary restrictions to others
• Avoidance of social situations
• Not wanting to leave your home
• Avoidance of dating and physical intimacy
• Hyper-focus on health issues
• Asking others for reassurances about safety
• Not sleeping well
• Not eating well
• Feeling restless
• Increased conflict with others
• Being overly controlling of environments and other people

Reflect

Once we have recognized anxiety, we can use reflection skills to get curious and listen to what it has to say. Anxiety can be really uncomfortable to experience. Because of this, people often want to get rid of it and are focused on suppressing or eradicating it. When we do this, though, anxiety has a tendency to become louder and more extreme, in an effort to grab our attention. When we miss recognizing and understanding an emotion, its job is not done and it needs to stick around and work harder and longer.

Instead of seeing anxiety as the enemy, a threat, we can shift our mindset to see anxiety as one part of us that is trying to keep us safe. Anxiety is not good nor bad. It is simply information. Not everything it says is going to be true or helpful; however we can see it as well-meaning and good-intentioned.

As we shift our mindset, we can make space to allow anxiety in so it can do its job. Anxiety’s job, just like all our emotions, is to help us make sense of our experience to better understand what we need and to help motivate us to take action to get those needs met. So let’s get curious and reflect on why we are experiencing it. How does anxiety help you make sense of what is happening? What values and needs does it highlight?

As we shift our relationship with anxiety to allow it in and get curious about it, we are engaging with it as something separate from us. It is one part of us that we can look at and interact with, rather than the whole of us. As we become the observer, anxiety becomes the subject. When we ask these questions and listen to the answers, we gain powerful information to help us in our next step, Respond.

Respond

Once we have recognized anxiety is present, and reflected on what is has to tell us, we can make a plan and move into action. This is ultimately what emotions are trying to get us to do, put us into a forward state of motion.

Depending on the situation and what you are anxious about, you might be able to take the information gleaned from the reflection step to flexibly problem-solve how to get your needs met. In many cases, there might be something concrete and actionable to do to address the source of the anxiety. In this case, the sooner you get into action and implement your plan, the better you’re likely to feel. Let the physical experience of anxiety energize you because that is what it is designed to do. If you stay inactive and stuck in the experience of anxiety, it will likely get worse. And you will feel more powerless over it and have a harder time doing something to address the anxiety.

Often, though, there remains leftover anxiety after you’ve taken concrete action. Or you are in a situation where there is nothing to do other than manage and cope with the anxiety you are experiencing. Signs that anxiety has crossed over from helpful to unhelpful include:

• When it continues to remind us about a danger that we’re already prepared for.
• When we feel chronically stressed and scared.
• When we can’t distract ourselves and focus on other things.
• When it changes our behavior and stops us from doing things that are important to us.

In these cases, our responsive plan starts with self-compassion and validation for what you are experiencing. You can acknowledge and thank anxiety and let it know that it has fulfilled its job. You can then intentionally use coping skills to manage any ongoing symptoms. The Build Your Anxiety Management Toolbox workshop goes through 15 different skills to help you do this.

Conclusion

The goal of the 3 Rs of anxiety management is to become more mindful and intentional about anxiety. We learn how to be responsive rather than reactive. As we practice this, anxiety becomes less scary and we feel less out of control and desperate to get rid of it. We develop our capabilities for managing this complex emotion, which results in a greater sense of agency, empowerment, and resilience.